Wilson mizner quotes

The only bird that gives the poor a real tumble is the stork.

It's getting so people no longer count the silverware when I come to dinner.

If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.

I never saw a mob rush across town to do a good deed.

Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.

I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.

Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.

I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.

A good party is where you enjoy good people, and they taste even better with Champagne.

What feeling is so nice as a child's hand in yours? So small, so soft and warm, like a kitten huddling in the shelter of your clasp.

Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.

I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'

The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.

The first hundred years are the hardest.

Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.

Over in Hollywood they almost made a great picture, but they caught it in time.

He's a trellis for varicose veins.

Easy street is a blind alley.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.

The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.

A fellow who is always declaring that he's no fool, usually has his suspicions.

A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

The day which we fear as our last is but the bday of eternity. - By SenecaThe first hundred years are the hardest.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.

Failure has gone to his head.

The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.

I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.

The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.

Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor-unassisted.

I've known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, yet never had a thought.

Anybody who can write home for money can write for magazines.

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

Count 10 over him - he'll get up

If you count all your assets you always show a profit.

I want a priest, a rabbi and a Protestant minister. I want to hedge my bets.

God help those who do not help themselves.

Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

Women can instantly see through each other, and it's surprising how little they observe that's pleasant.

A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

Money is the only substance which can keep a cold world from nicknaming a citizen Hey, you

I had never considered marriage, but I had an open mind, and I was to learn after a brief try at it that most open minds should be closed for repairs.

In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.

I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.

There's nothing so comfortable as a small bankroll. A big one is always in danger.

It is criminal negligence to leave suckers lying around to tempt honest men.

You're a mouse studying to be a rat.

Gambling: A sure way to get nothing from something.

The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.

To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.

The most pitiful human ailment is a birdseed heart.

The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.

The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.

Florida was invented for Addison Mizner's little brother.

Faith is a wonderful thing, but doubt gets you an education.

All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.

He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.