Will rogers quotes

When the Okies left Oklahoma and moved to California, they raised the average intelligence level in both states.

There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches.

Congress is going to start tinkering with the Ten Commandments just as soon as they find someone in Washington who has read them.

Work to make a living; serve to make a life.

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Lobbyists have more offices in Washington than the President. You see, the President only tells Congress what they should do. Lobbyists tell'em what they will do.

You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.

If we have Senators and Congressmen there that can't protect themselves against the evil temptations of lobbyists, we don't need to change our lobbies, we need to change our representatives.

I would rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.

Common sense ain't common.

You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.

In all your life, you will never find a method more effective in getting through to another person than to make that person feel important.

The whole trouble with the Republicans is their fear of an increase in income tax, especially on higher incomes. They speak of it almost like a national calamity. I really believe if it come to a vote whether to go to war with England, France and Germany combined, or raise the rate on incomes of over $100,000, they would vote war.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

When you're through learning, you're through.

Show me a healthy community with a healthy economy and I will show you a community that has its green infrastructure in order and understands the relationship between the built and the unbuilt environment.

Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.

Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.

Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.

There's no way in the world you're going to make a political party respectable unless you keep it out of office.

There is nothing as easy as denouncing. It don't take much to see that something is wrong, but it does take some eyesight to see what will put it right again

I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Democrats are the only reason to vote for Republicans

There are three types of men in the world. One type learns from books. One type learns from observations. And one type just has to urinate on the electric fence himself.

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

It takes a lifetime to build a good reputation, but you can lose it in a minute.

It sure did kick up some excitement in the Senate when one Senator called the other Senators 'sons of Wild jackasses.' Well, if you thought it made the Senators hot, you wait till you see what happens when the jackasses hear how they have been slandered.

We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs.

The problem ain't what people know. It's what people know that ain't so that's the problem.

Our country has plenty of five-cent cigars, but the trouble is they charge fifteen cents for them.

Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can't buy enough to eat.

Never miss a chance to shut up

The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.

I don't care how little your country is, you got a right to run it like you want to. When the big nations quit meddling then the world will have peace.

If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.

America has the best politicians money can buy.

If you ever injected truth into politics you would have no politics.

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.

The government sent the Indians to Oklahoma. They had a treaty that said, 'You shall have this land as long as grass grows and water flows.' It was not only a good rhyme but looked like a good treaty, and it was till they struck oil. Then the Government took it away from us again. They said the treaty only refers to 'Water and Grass; it don't say anything about oil.'

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

You should never try and teach a pig to read for two reasons. First, it's impossible; and secondly, it annoys the hell out of the pig!.

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.

It is awful hard to get people interested in corruption unless they can get some of it.

The more ignorant you are, the quicker you fight.

A vision, without a plan, is just a hallucination.

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.

Don't squat with your spurs on.

Everyone wants to vote for the best and most qualified man, but he never runs for office.

The money was all appropriated for the top in the hopes that it would trickle down to the needy. Mr. Hoover didn’t know that money trickled up. Give it to the people at the bottom and the people at the top will have it before night, anyhow. But it will at least have passed through the poor fellow’s hands.

Things will get better - despite our efforts to improve them.

The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back

The man who never makes a mistake must get tired of doing nothing.

No man is great if he thinks he is.

Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.

A Democrat is just like a baby. If it's hollering and making a lot of noise, there is nothing serious the matter with it. When it's quiet and doesn't pay much attention to anything, that's when it's really dangerous.

Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

It would drive a person crazy to dope out really what does divide the two parties. Prosperity don't divide the two parties, for under either administration the poor get poorer and the rich get richer.

If America ever passes out as a great nation, we ought to put on our tombstone: America died from a delusion she had Moral Leadership.

I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.

Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument.

A woman can make a man feel older or younger than his years if she so chooses. Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men. Women were made with a sense of humor so they could love men instead of laughing at them.

Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like.

About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.

When you find yourself in a hole, quit digging.

There's a simple solution to our traffic problems. We'll have business build the roads, and government build the cars.

Invest in inflation. It is the only thing going up.

I don't think either one of them knows what it's all about, to be honest with you. Both sides are doing nothing but just looking towards the next election.

A king can stand people's fighting but he can't last long if people start thinking.

The crime of taxation is not in the taking it, it's in the way that it's spent.

There is one guaranteed formula for failure, and that is to try to please everyone.

If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.

The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

Government investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to our knowledge.

I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.

The best thing about this group of candidates is that only one of them can win.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

The problem in America isn't so much what people don't know; the problem is what people think they know that just ain't so.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

A president just can't make much showing against congress. They lay awake nights, thinking up things to be against the president on.

A Republican moves slowly. They are what we call conservatives. A conservative is a man who has plenty of money and doesn't see any reason why he shouldn't always have plenty of money. A Democrat is a fellow who never had any, but doesn't see any reason why he shouldn't have some.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

You can't fool all of the people all of the time. But it isn't necessary.

In time of crisis people want to know that you care, more than they care what you know

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

I would love to see Mr. (Henry) Ford in there, really. I don't know who started the idea that a President must be a Politician instead of a Business man. A Politician can't run any other kind of business. So there is no reason why he can run the U.S. That's the biggest single business in the World.

A man only learns by two things; one is reading and the other is association with smarter people.

Communism is like prohibition, it is a good idea, but it won't work.

I remember when being liberal meant being generous with your own money.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons.

The rest of the people know the condition of the country, for they live in it, but Congress has no idea what is going on in America, so the President has to tell 'em.

If I could kick the person in the tail that causes me the most problems I could not sit down for a week

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.

Ignorance lies not in the things you don't know, but in the things you know that ain't so.

A stranger is just a friend I haven't met yet.

Know what you're doing, love what you're doing, and believe in what you're doing.

We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.

Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

Never blame a legislative body for not doing something. When they do nothing, that don't hurt anybody. When they do something is when they become dangerous.

Last year we said, 'Things can't go on like this', and they didn't, they got worse.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression.