Ricky gervais quotes

America champions the underdog. We champion the underdog until he's not the underdog anymore, and he annoys us.

It will be great to play a short, fat sweaty loser for a change.

What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It’s the people, investment in people. My proudest moment here wasn’t when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No. It was a young Greek guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went ‘Mr. Brent, will you be the Godfather to my child?’. Didn’t happen in the end. We had to let him go, he was rubbish. He was rubbish!

Unlike religious people, I look at all religions equally.

I think the social faux par is probably what most people fear... more people fear public speaking than death and that's because we don't want to make a fool of ourselves. It's fundamental.

If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

Spirituality really lost its way when it became a stick to beat people with: ‘Do this or you’ll burn in hell.

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.

I have to be excited, I have to have an adrenaline rush about doing something, or it bores me, I feel trapped.

My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela. What a man. Incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990 and he hasn't reoffended. I think he's going straight, which shows you prison does work.

I went to university with no money. I can't understand a society that wouldn't give a poor person the same opportunity as a rich person.

Never fear the truth. No bad can come of discussing a true subject. No bad at all.

People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they're very rarely the same.

Famous people are above the law.

Everyday life is interesting enough, whether it be in an office or being ignored on the set of something supposedly more glamorous.

I've never been insulted by hateful satanists for not believing in their devil. Only by loving Christians for not believing in their God.

Be happy. It really annoys negative people.

I see Atheists are fighting and killing each other again, over who doesn't believe in any God the most. Oh, no..wait.. that never happens.

I fought a bear once. But it started crying, so I let it off.

That’s the other thing I learned that day, that the truth, however shocking or uncomfortable, in the end leads to liberation and dignity.

I used to believe in God. The Christian one, that is (There are a few thousand to choose from. But I was born in a country where the dominant religion was Christianity so I believed in that one. Isn't it weird how that always happens?). Luckily I was also interested in science and nature. And reason and logic. And honesty and truth. And equality and fairness. By the age of eight I was an atheist.

For any of you who don't know, the Golden Globes are just like the Oscars, but without all that esteem. The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton. A bit louder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker, and more easily bought.

Remember, no one can hurt your feelings without your permission

My philosophy? Have a laugh for as long as you can and don't get run over. Or stabbed.

My ideal meal would probably be the cheesiest pasta or pizza, followed by something creamy and chocolaty. I mean, just the worst things, really.

Suggesting I hate people with religion because I hate religion is like suggesting I hate people with cancer because I hate cancer.

Someone asked me what three things I would save if my house was on fire. I said my cat, my salamander and one of the twins.

Real racist jokes or sexist jokes aren't funny - not because they're offensive, but because they're not true. As soon as a joke is based on an untruth, it's not funny.

Take a picture not a trophy This is how real men shoot animals

If there is a God, why did he make me an atheist?

Atheism is the lack of belief in a god (or gods). It makes no claim. It merely rejects the claim that a god (or gods) exists. Nothing more.

The existence of God is not subjective. He either exists or he doesn’t. It’s not a matter of opinion. You can have your own opinions. But you can’t have your own facts.

Try something. And never be afraid to fail. That failure is useful too. It's just another building block.

It’s a strange myth that atheists have nothing to live for. It’s the opposite. We have nothing to die for. We have everything to live for.

I don't believe in about 2700 Gods. Christians don't believe in 2699 Gods. They're nearly as atheistic as me.

Comedy is a medicine - a healing process that can help people get through difficult times and understand things better

Being on the edge isn't as safe, but the view is better

Honor is a gift a man gives himself. You can be as good as anyone that ever lived. If you can read, you can learn everything that anyone ever learned. But you've got to want it.

Same sex marriage isn't gay privilege, it's equal rights. Privilege would be something like gay people not paying taxes. Like churches don't.

Body language is more powerful than words.

Since there is absolutely no logical reason to assume there is an afterlife, I decided to make the life I have now as much fun as possible.

Saying atheism is a belief system is like saying not going skiing is a hobby.

I don't do anything for the money.

I think what makes us human is those choices - whether to tell the truth or not.

I don't think it matters if there is a god or not. I've met people who believe in God that are good and that are bad. And I've met people who don't believe in God that are good and that are bad. So, just be good. I'm good. Not cos I think I'll go to heaven but because when I do something bad, I feel bad. And when I do something good, I feel good.

If you're surrounded by idiots, you're the unpopular one and the odd one out because idiots don't like smart asses.

Why buy a book when you can join a library?

We didn't evolve; God made us. So I just want to explain to you exactly how that happened... Some of the things you'll hear do sound a little bit far-fetched. I admit that. Then I found out that the other name for The Bible is The Gospel, so it is all true. Luckily, the clue is in the title.

I'm quite squeamish, really. I'm philistine and unsophisticated - not because of my great discerning palate but other reasons. Some are moral grounds, some texture.

I can't find someone funny whom I don't like. Hitler told great jokes. I didn't find it funny at all.

The best way to avoid criticism is never do anything ever. Or, do what you love, have a great life & let others spend their time criticising.

You now have the least amount of time you've ever had, to do everything you've ever wanted to do. Enjoy your life. You only get one

The best advice I've ever received is, 'No one else knows what they're doing either.

You won't burn in hell. But be nice anyway.

If you can't joke about the most horrendous things in the world, what's the point of jokes? What's the point in having humor? Humor is to get us over terrible things.

I'm a militant fundamentalist atheist. I'm going to get on a crowded train, unbutton my coat and say rational things. People will be hurt.

I've worked in an office. People are sitting down doing their stuff, or pretending to do their stuff, and they're bored. I've heard a car tire screech and 30 people went to the window. That was a piece of excitement in their day, that a car might have had to stop quickly, you know. You don't need dinosaurs, you know.

Animals are not here for us to do as we please with. We are not their superiors, we are their equals. We are their family. Be kind to them.

I'm basically a 'do unto others' type person. I don't have any religious feelings because I'm an atheist, but I live my life like there's a God. And if there was he'd probably love me.

It's going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking. Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: Breakfast.

A joke isn't yours. It's used and you don't know where it's been.

I no longer needed a reason for my existence, just a reason to live. And imagination, free will, love, humor, fun, music, sports, beer, and pizza are all good enough reasons for living. But living an honest life - for that you need the truth.

I get so sick of people asking: "What's your demographic?" Or: "Oh we've got to aim this at..." No, you have to aim it at you. You do the thing you would love... make the thing you would love and be proud of. There's enough people in the world that, if you do that and do it well as a single vision, they'll go: "That's my favourite thing ever!"

Blasphemy: a law to protect an all-powerful, supernatural deity from getting its feelings hurt.

Got a proper job at 28. Gave it up to try comedy at 38. Decided to get fit and healthy at 48. It's never too late. But do it now

Science seeks the truth. And it does not discriminate. For better or worse it finds things out. Science is humble. It knows what it knows and it knows what it doesn’t know. It bases its conclusions and beliefs on hard evidence -­- evidence that is constantly updated and upgraded. It doesn’t get offended when new facts come along. It embraces the body of knowledge. It doesn’t hold on to medieval practices because they are tradition.

It's better to create something that others criticise than to create nothing and criticise others. Go create, have fun!!

I always chose all my friends on whether they were funny. What's a better way to pass the time than laughing or smiling?

We want to see a struggle. We want to see people falling over but getting themselves back up on their feet, and that's what's extraordinary- ordinary people and their struggle. There's nothing as interesting as real life out your window. You walk down the street for half an hour, I'll give you half an hour of drama.

When people say to me: would you rather be thought of as a funny man or a great boss? My answer's always the same, to me, they're not mutually exclusive.

The most important thing in comedy - apart from empathy, which I think is important even if disguised - is surprise. I like surprising people with the fact that something's even a joke at all.

Some [people] are really smart. You know who you are. Some [people] are really thick. Unfortunately, you don't know who you are.

Piracy doesn't kill music, boy bands do.

The simple fact is, offense is taken, not given.

Whatever else is happening, things are better in the sun.

If all the Atheists & Agnostics left America, they'd lose 93% of The National Academy of Sciences & less than 1% of the prison population.

Dear Religion, This week I safely dropped a man from space while you shot a child in the head for wanting to go to school. Yours, Science.

It annoys me that the burden of proof is on us. It should be "You came up with the idea. Why do you believe it?" I could tell you I've got superpowers. But I can't go up to people saying "Prove I can't fly." They'd go: "What do you mean 'Prove you can't fly'? Prove you can!"

Trust, encouragement, reward, loyalty... satisfaction. That's what I'm... you know. Trust people and they'll be true to you. Treat them greatly, and they will show themselves to be great.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if you believe in god, you're wrong.

What will it feel like after you die? Exactly the same as it felt for those billions of years before you were born.

The next time someone is critical of you, just take a moment to consider their life. Then smile to yourself.

Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right. Some people are offended by mixed marriage, gay people, atheism. So what? F*** 'em.

I'd like to thank God for making me an atheist.

You should bring something into the world that wasn't in the world before. It doesn't matter what that is. It doesn't matter if it's a table or a film or gardening-everyone should create. You should do something, then sit back and say 'I did that.'

I've never regretted saying no to anything, or finishing something. When I'm in the middle of doing something I love, I can have a better idea, and I'll go, "Oh God, I can't finish this." Maybe I've got some sort of disorder.

Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.

I've probably done the odd thing. I've probably done more than I would have done and some things you don't say no to. You don't say no to working with "The Simpsons"... the greatest comedy show on television. You mustn't. Even though going to my bad judgment, I remember saying that all I can do is make this show slightly worse.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side!

Comedy and drama are different sides of the same coin. And the thing about comedy and drama is about likability. It's about character first. It's about story. And for me, it's about empathy, and I think the realer someone is, the further you can go either way with them.

Being honest is what counts. To make the ordinary extraordinary is so much better than starting with the extraordinary.

Your God is the best God. In fact, he's the only God. All other Gods are ridiculous, made up rubbish. Not yours though. Yours is real.

Whether you understand they evolved over billions of years or believe that a God made them all one afternoon, please be kind to animals.

Do unto others…’ is a good rule of thumb. I live by that. Forgiveness is probably the greatest virtue there is. But that’s exactly what it is - a virtue. Not just a Christian virtue. No one owns being good. I’m good. I just don’t believe I’ll be rewarded for it in heaven. My reward is here and now. It’s knowing that I try to do the right thing. That I lived a good life. And that’s where spirituality really lost its way. When it became a stick to beat people with. ‘Do this or you’ll burn in hell.’ You won’t burn in hell. But be nice anyway.

Growing up, the most important thing, after taking care of your family and getting a decent job of work, was having a laugh. That was the point to life.

Popularity and democracy aren't a judge, they're just stats.

That's the amazing thing about life. You can just rub it out, like a blackboard, and start again.

You do your own thing and you see if you survive.

In a safe Western world where we're not being shot at and we're not starving, the worst thing that happens to us most days is someone's rude to us, or we accidentally insult someone. Social faux pas is the worst thing that happens to most people, most days, so we've got to concentrate on that, really.

Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right.

Where there's a will - there's a relative!

It's a privilege to be in such a great category of people and... I don't believe in God, so I'd like to thank dogs. Dogs have given me everything.

Do this or you’ll burn in hell.

When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It's only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.

I think everyone has the ability to be loved.

Telling someone with depression to pull themselves together is about as useful as telling someone with cancer to just stop having cancer

Enjoy life. Have fun. Be kind. Have worth. Have friends. Be honest. Laugh. Die with dignity. Make the most of it. It's all we've got.

We shouldn't even need the word 'atheism'. If people didn't invent ridiculous imaginary gods, rational people wouldn't have to deny them.

You are the result of billions of years of evolution. You will only live for a few years and will never exist again. Absolutely beautiful

The only reason I work out is so I can eat more cheese.

Opinions don't affect facts. But facts should affect opinions, and do, if you're rational

Being an atheist makes someone a clearer thinking, fairer person. They [atheists] are not doing things to be rewarded in heaven; they're doing things because they're right, because they live by a moral code.

The truth doesn't hurt. Whatever it is, it doesn't hurt. It's better to know the truth.

I love how people walk around with crucifixes, skullcaps, pointy hats, funny beards and then say 'you should keep your atheism to yourself.'

Life is just a series of peaks and troughs. And you don't know whether you're in a trough until you're climbing out, or on a peak until you're coming down. And that's it you know, you never know what's round the corner. But it's all good. "If you want the rainbow, you've gotta put up with the rain." Do you know which "philosopher" said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she's just a big pair of tits.

Fact is stranger than fiction. You see people walking down the street that would never be allowed on television. You have to tone it down.

Next time someone tells me they believe in God, I'll say 'Oh which one? Zeus? Hades? Jupiter? Mars? Odin? Thor? Krishna? Vishnu? Ra?...' If they say 'Just God. I only believe in the one God,' I'll point out that they are nearly as atheistic as me. I don't believe in 2,870 gods, and they don't believe in 2,869.

I don't feel any pressure at all because I don't care. That's an occupational hazard... but if you're doing anything of any worth, and not doing something that's safe and anodyne and trying to be populist and a national treasure, then you've got to assume that as many people hate what you do - and you - as like what you do and like you.

I think doing something creative is the most important thing to me, and I think it's probably just good for the soul for anyone, whatever it is. You don't have to be a film director - you can do gardening or something - but I think everyone needs to create something.

I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg.

No one wants to see cool people doing brilliantly. I want to see the struggle. That's the fun bit.

You want to see the people you've sort of come to know and love, or love to hate, you want to see them develop in some way. And I hope people get sort of caught up in that arc.

People think that it's fun to meet celebrities - but what do you mean by "celebrity"? Someone you recognise? What are they famous for? It's people who've done something that are exciting.

Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks