Ned vizzini quotes

And I could have died right then. And considering how things went, I really should have.

It’s tough to get out of bed; I know that myself. You can lie there for an hour and a half without thinking anything, just worrying about what the day holds and knowing that you won’t be able to deal with it.

I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?

I wasn't going to have enough money to pay for a Good Lifestyle, which meant I'd feel ashamed, which meant I'd get depressed, and that was the big one because I knew what that did to me: it made it so I wouldn't get out of bed, which led to the ultimate thing—homelessness. If you can't get out of bed for long enough, people come and take your bed away.

I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.

What happened when you woke up?" "I was having a dream. I don’t know what it was, but when I woke up, I had this awful realization that I was awake. It hit me like a brick in the groin." "Like a brick in the groin, I see." "I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare." "And what is that nightmare, Craig?" "Life." "Life is a nightmare." "Yes.

I like how you don't hide your problems like everyone else, and I don't have to hide mine when I'm around you.

I like you a lot. Because you’re funny and smart and because you seem to like me. I know that’s not a good reason, but I can’t help it; if a girl likes me I tend to like her back [...] I like you for all this stuff but I also kind of like you for the cuts on your face—

Some of the most profound truths about us are things that we stop saying in the middle.

I know a lot of famous people didn't do well at school, like James Brown; he dropped out in fifth grade to be an entertainer, I respect that... but that's not going to be me. I'm not going to be able to do anything but work as hard as possible all the time and compete with everyone I know all the time to make it.

Do you even know who the enemy is?" "I think... it's me".

You all right, man?' This should be my name. I could be like a super hero: You All Right Man. Ah...' I stumble. Don't bug Craig,' Ronny is like. 'He's in the Craig zone. He's Craig-ing out.

A person's relationship with food is one of their most important relationships.

That's worst than gonerreha, man!

I wanted to tell people, "My depression is acting up today" as an excuse for not seeing them, but I never managed to pull it off.

Life is not cured, Mr. Gilner." Dr. Mahmoud leans in. "Life is managed.

No," mom says, looking at me in the eyes. "What's a triumph is that you woke up this morning and decided to LIVE. THAT'S a triumph. that's what you did today.

That's what gets me through the day. Knowing that I could do it. That I'm strong enough to do it and I can get it done.

I don't-" I shake my head. (...) "What? What were you going to say?" This is another trick of shrinks. They never let you stop in midthought. If you open your mouth, they want to know exactly what you had the intention of saying.

its hard to talk when you want to kill yourself

Things to do today: 1) Breathe in. 2) Breathe out.

Ski. Sled. Play basketball. Jog. Run. Run. Run. Run home. Run home and enjoy. Enjoy. Take these verbs and enjoy them. They're yours, Craig. You deserve them because you chose them. You could have left them all behind but you chose to stay here. So now live for real, Craig. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live.

I'm jealous of her. Can you be jealous of your mom for being able to handle things? I couldn't take a day off, take a dog to the vet, and cook dinner. That's like three times too much stuff for me to get done in one day. How am I ever going to have my own house?

That made me happy. That was my Anchor.

I wasn’t gifted. Mom was wrong. I was just smart and I worked hard. I had fooled myself into thinking that was something important to the rest of the world. Other people were complicit in this ruse. Nobody had told me I was common.

Of course I wasn't abused. If I were; things would be so simple. I'd have a reason to for being in a shrinks office. I'd have a justification and something to work on. The world wasn't going to give me something that tidy.

But some people have to get lucky just to live. And I never knew I could make anybody lucky.

If there is a next life, I hope it's in the past; I don't think the future will be any more handleable. I think it's a little harsh how the END button is red.

I don't owe people anything, and I don't have to talk to them any more than I feel I need to.

It’s a huge thing, this Shift, just as big as I imagined. My brain doesn’t want to think anymore; all of a sudden it wants to do.

I'm smart but not enough--just smart enough to have problems.

I don't know how I can be so ambitious and so lazy at the same time.

The stuff adults tell you not to do is the easiest.

I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine - I'm here." "Is there something wrong with that?" "Absolutely.

I should be a success and I'm not and other people- younger people- are. Younger people than me are on TV and getting their lives in order. I'm still a nobody. When am I going to not be a nobody?

I'm going to be here until I'm cured?" "Life is not cured, Mr. Gilner. Life is managed".

I'm still a nobody, when am I not going to be a nobody?

We wear our problems diffrently

I waste at least an hour every day lying in bed. Then I waste time pacing. I waste time thinking. I waste time being quiet and not saying anything because I'm afraid I'll stutter.

Dreams are only dreams until you wake up and make them real.

I want to live but I want to die. What do I do?

I eat not because I want to, not because I have to overcome anything, not to prove myself to anyone, but because it's there. I eat because that's what people do. And somehow when the food is put in front of you by an institution, when there's a large gray force behind it and you don't have to thank anyone for it, you have the animal instinct to make it disappear.

How would you know? Everything’s like sex. It’s the universal metaphor. To pick a lock, let me guess, you have to go slow at first, but then you have to pull off some fancy moves, and you have to stay concentrated, and you have to stick something in something, right?

My brain was all right back then; it didn't get stuck in ruts.

We're all animals, high school is animals, but some of us are more animal than others. Like in 'Animal Farm,' which I read, all animals are created equal, but some are more equal than others? Here in the real world, all equals are created animal, but some are more animal than others.

Relationships change even more than people. It's like two people changing. It's exponentially more volatile. Especially two teenagers.

She doesn't want to end up like me. At least I'm giving someone an example not to follow.

I want my brain to slide back into the slot it was meant to be in, rest there the way it did before the fall of last year, back when I was young, witty, and my teachers said I had incredible promise.

That's the number one thing I hear about humans. You have all these choices, so you're confused all the time, and you think so much that you're never happy.

A working brain is probably a lot like a map, where anybody can get from one place to another on the freeways. It's the nonworking brains that get blocked, that have dead ends, that are under construction like mine.

And when you say the truth you get stronger.

Some days I woke up and got out of bed and brushed my teeth like any normal human being; some days I woke up and laid in bed and looked at the ceiling and wondered what the hell the point was of getting out of bed and brushing my teeth like any normal human being.

So now live for real, Craig. Live. Live. Live. Live.

I have a system with bathrooms. I spend a lot of time in them. They are sanctuaries, public places of peace spaced throughout the world for people like me.

Dr. Barney stared at me, his lips puckered. What was he so serious about? Who hasn’t thought about killing themselves, as a kid? How can you grow up in this world and not think about it?

Life's not about feeling better, it's about getting the job done.

I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad.

We look into each other's eyes as we shake. His are still full of death and horror, but in them I see my face reflected, and inside my tiny eyes inside his, I think I see some hope.

Nobody had told me I was common.

Sometimes I just think depression's one way of coping with the world. Like, some people get drunk, some people do drugs, some people get depressed. Because there's so much stuff out there that you have to do something to deal with it.

I've started to think it must just be chemistry, in which case we're looking for the Shift and we haven't found it yet.

People are screwed up in this world. I'd rather be with someone screwed up and open about it than somebody perfect and ready to explode.

Misfortune is no excuse for cruelty.

See, when you mess something up, you learn for the next time. It's when people compliment you that you're in trouble. That means they expect you to keep it up.

I think you run out of 'I love yous

I work. And I think about work, and I freak out about work, and I think about how much I think about work, and I freak out about how much I think about how much I think about work, and I think about how freaked out I get about how much I think about how much I think about work.

I found myself jealous of the people who wrote the books. They were dead and they were still taking up my time. Who did they think they were?

That's all I can do. I'll keep at it and hope it gets better.

Its so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That's above and beyond everything else, and it's not a mental complaint-it's a physical thing, like it's physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. They don't come out smooth and in conjunction with your brain the way normal people's words do; they come out in chunks as if from a crushed-ice dispenser; you stumble on them as they gather behind your lower lip. So you just keep quiet.

Depression starts slow.

My family shouldn't have to put up with me. They're good people, solid, happy. Sometimes when I'm with them I think I'm on television.

People don't make good Anchors, though, Craig. They change.

What am I always going to do? I'm going to go home and freak out.I'm going to sit with my family and try not to talk about myself and what's wrong. Im going to try and eat. Then I'm going to try and sleep. I dread it. I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?

I owe her everything and I love her and I tell her these days, although every time I say it, it gets a little diluted. I think you run out of I love yous.

I had fooled myself into thinking that I was something important to the rest of the world.

Sometimes I wish I had an easy answer for why I'm depressed.

It's such a silly little thing, the heart.

You shouldn't be able to be alive and you are. You want to trade?

I'm done with those; regrets are an excuse for people who have failed.

I've had good moments scattered since then, times when I thought I was better, but that was the last day I felt triumphant.

One thing I've learnt recently: how to think nothing. Here's the trick: don't have any interest in the world around you, don't have any hope for the future, and be warm.

deep down I believe my year was a special year: it produced me.

I just want to not be me.

Putting lessons in young adult books is very dangerous.

Life can't be cured, but it can be managed.

I had hurt her feelings, I found out later; I didn’t know I had that power.

I was never big on rage.' 'Why?' "It's so much more angry in my head than it could ever be outside.

I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of living.

I'm glad you came here and got the help you needed," Neil says, and he shakes my hand in that way that people do in here to remind themselves that you're the patient and they're the doctor/volunteer/ employee. They like you, and they genuinely want you to do better, but when they shake your hand you feel that distance, that slight disconnect because they know that you're still broken somewhere, that you might snap at any moment.

Dad nods, looks me dead in the eyes; slowly and regretfully, he banishes all the smiling and joking from his face, and for once he's just my dad, watching his son who has fallen so low.

I feel dead, wasted, awful, broken and useless. It's not the kind of feeling you forget.

Yes, Doctor. I'll do what you say. I'll do what you all say.

And that was the closest I've ever come to an epiphany.

The Shift hasn't happened yet, maybe it never will, but sometimes-just enough times to give me hope-my brain jars back into where it's supposed to be.

(...) Since I was a kid." "Which you refer to as 'back when you were happy.'" "Right.

They always said on TV you could do anything you wanted, but here I was trying to do something and it wasn't working. I would never be able to do it.

Time is a person-made concept.

She's pretty." (It's amazing how girls can say this and make it the most withering insult.)

They've spent alot of money on me. I'm ashamed.

So why am I depressed? That's the million-dollar question, baby, the Tootsie Roll question; not even the owl knows the answer to that one. I don't know either. All I know is the chronology.

Every tounge bit had another word to say.

The Shift is coming. The Shift has to be coming. Because if you keep living like this you'll die.

A lot of the books that I grew up reading were pretty brutal, like the Redwall books.

They're sort of ancillary anyway, friends. I mean, they're important -- everybody knows that; the TV tells you so -- but they come and go. You lose one friend, you pick up another.

If you can't get out of bed for long enough, people come and take your bed away

The absolute worst part of being depressed is the food. A person's relationship with food is one of their most important relationships. I don't think your relationship with your parents is that important. Some people never know their parents. I don't think your relationship with your friends are important. But your relationship with air-that's key. You can't break up with air. You're kind of stuck together. Only slightly less crucial is water. And then food. You can't be dropping food to hang with someone else. You need to strike up an agreement with it.

Sometimes when you open a book, time stops.

Is that the truth, Jimmy?" I ask without looking at him. "It's the truth and it come to ya!" I smile.

You want to play video games twenty-four hours a day?" "Or watch. I just want to not be me. Whether it's sleeping or playing video games or riding my bike or studying. Giving my brain up. That's what's important.