Natasha leggero quotes

I grew up as a child actress, not a child star. I was an actress - big difference.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

Ke$ha IS the walk of shame.

Guys should not be allowed to use the Internet all day long. So sad.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

Neil Hamburger writes such cutting jokes.

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

Male comics are always coming up to me and they're like 'Hey Natasha. Don't you think you're a little attractive to be a comedian?' and I'm like 'Don't you think you're a little ugly to be talking to me?'

The chasm between rich and poor is becoming larger, and I think it's interesting terrain to talk about and expose.

Do they give Pulitzers for tweets yet?

James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing - is there anything you can do?

I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.

I was raised Catholic in Rockford, Illinois. But I'm not a practicing Catholic anymore. Oh God, no.

It's a human instinct to be known.

I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, 'Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time I'm home?' And my mother said, 'You used to talk like that, too, Tasha.' And I said, 'Yes, but you see, I've reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?'

I don't see the point of watching men exercise.

TLC should stand for Toddlers, Lunatics, and Cake.

Doing TV is great, but TV is for starring on, not for watching.

I love hard punch lines, and I like anything that has a strong point of view.

How are you gonna make an 'idol' from the type of person you're trying to avoid in real life?

Getting worried there might not be enough talent in America to acommodate all these singing shows.

Lovin this Ghost Ghirls! It was great to get to play a madame not just a boring prostitute.

Don't be intimidated by my outfit, it's Forever 21.

The waiters in France could all be senators in the US.

In L.A., you tend to see a lot of people do very bizarre things. I love it.

The more developed your abs, the less time you've spent reading.

I'm not 'one of the guys.' I don't want to pretend to be one on stage. I'm not going to dress like a guy or carry myself like one.

Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards.

My dream part would be to play Mitt Romney's sarcastic black maid. We could call it 'Mammy & Me.'

Make a sex tape, upload it, get on a reality show, release a perfume, retire. That's the new American dream.

My friends who have babies can't do anything. You can't go out at night. Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

In general, comedians are attracted to vice.

There are different types of art, and you just have to follow where things take you. It helps me with my desire to perform live. That's something that a lot of actors and actresses don't get to experience on a regular basis.

I think how tan a person is, is directly proportionate to how dumb they are.

I do think people are definitely sick of the Kardashians.

Have you heard his new song? 'Cause he thinks he's a black man now.

For comedians, we're all kind of tweeting our thoughts instead of spending time developing them. You can gauge how good a joke might be by how many times it gets retweeted, but it takes discipline to go back through the tweets and then develop jokes from them.

Your main contribution is spray painting your nickname on other people's things. And my cousin, who's a 'gangster', he's like, 'No, Tash, you don't understand; you throw a fat piece up there, that piece is yours.' I'm like, 'No one thinks you own Costco.'

Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

Comedy is just one of the many professions that women are taking over.

Pop culture, it's crazy. There's all this violence in video games. In 'Call of Duty,' people are literally just blowing other people up. Hey, let's protect your country from your couch while eating your sandwich.

The idea that you're supposed to do everything on your own is absurd. You can't.

I wish his music came out of the closet and admit that it sucks.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

Often when you are starting out in comedy, you will find that people will laugh at the things you didn't think were funny. It's important to pay attention also to what people are laughing at when you are just talking in regular conversation. Often that is when you are truly being yourself.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

All these rappers on stage and Martha Stewart has done the most jail time.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

The only thing that makes me cry at weddings is the DJ's playlist.

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.