They say I'm famous for my chip shots. Sure, when I hit 'em right, they land just so, like a butterfly with sore feet.
You don't know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket.
Grizzly Adams did have a beard.
[Jack Nicklaus] was the first to bring in course management. He could go to a course and tell you within one stroke what was going to win. He used to set his sights on that because he could shoot it. He was the only player I know who, if he decided he wanted to win a tournament, could go out and do it. No one will ever be as popular as Arnold Palmer and no one will ever come close to Jack as a player.
I'm actually a very quiet person off the golf course. I talk 150 miles per hour when I'm at the course, but when in private I very seldom ever open my mouth.
If God wanted you to putt cross-handed, he would have made your left arm longer.
Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money.
My doctor told me my jogging could add years to my life.
Living in Dallas, I root for the Mavericks and the Stars and the Cowboys, but I've always pulled for the Chicago Cubs. I enjoy watching them play.
I'm hitting the driver so good I gotta dial the operator for long distance after I hit it.
We all choke, and the man who says he doesn't choke is lying like hell.
Show me a golfer who doesn't have a mean streak, and I'll show you a weak competitor.
Who can say I have a bad swing? The only thing that matters in golf is the score you put on the board. You don't have to look pretty out there, you have to win. Look at my record and tell me who has a better swing than mine.
I'm not a real smart guy. But I've got enough brains to realize that when I'm 60 years old and play a sport, that it's downhill.
I've played golf with three U.S presidents.
99% of the putts that are short don't go in the hole
I still swing the way I used to, but when I look up the ball is going in a different direction.
When you're poor, you know nothing about the future, you know nothing about the world, nothing that goes on outside 300 yards around you.
There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.
Chi Chi Rodriguez had as good a pair of hands as anybody I ever saw, and more shots than you can imagine. But Chi Chi had a habit of turning simple shots into difficult ones.
You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.
When you really deep down look at it, we go to bed every night, get up every morning, stay here for 70 or 80 years, and then we die.
Every golfer should come to the first tee with fourteen clubs, a dozen balls, a handful of tees, and at least one great golf story
I didn't want to change the name on the towels.
I'm not out there just to be dancing around. I expect to win every time I tee up.
I thought Manual Labor was a Mexican golf pro.
If you've ever driven across Texas, you know how different one area of the state can be from another. Take El Paso. It looks as much like Dallas as I look like Jack Nicklaus
Nobody but you and your caddie care what you do out there, and if your caddie is betting against you, he doesn't care, either.
If I could do anything over, I'd have spent more time with my first set of children. I would have taken more quality time with them, for sure.
I may buy the Alamo and give it back to Mexico.
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
If Jack Nicklaus had to play my tee shots, he couldn't break 80. He'd be a pharmacist with a string of drugstores in Ohio.
Actually, my plan was to be 20-under par after two days but it didn't work
I adore the game of golf. I won't ever retire.
Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.
My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.
If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.
Somewhere along the line I'll be recognized as one of the top players in the Nicklaus era. That's all I want to be remembered for.
All my life I had a rapport with black caddies.
I believe in reincarnation. In my last life I was a peasant. Next time around, I'd like to be an eagle. Who hasn't dreamed they could fly? They're a protected species, too.
I've seen enough crazy shots to know they happen in the best of families.
Golf isn't just my business, it's my hobby.
Winning isn't everything. It's the money you make doing it that's everything.
I think a lot of Jim Thorpe, the Olympian, and his accomplishments.
I use an Arnold Palmer putter that was probably built back in 1954.
Pressure is trying to make a putt for a $10 bet with only $5 in your pocket.
I never played much golf as a kid. I caddied quite a bit but never got serious into golf until about age 15.
There is no such thing as a natural golfer but you become one by hitting thousands of balls
I love watching Anthony Kim play, but I'm not a fan of the way he grips down a good two inches on his full-swing shots. Choking down lightens the club's swingweight and effectively makes the shaft stiffer.
I'm really going to do my homework. I'm going to be down there on the practice tee finding out if a guy's wife beat him up the night before, important stuff like that. Stuff that people want to know.
I got no pride on the hole. It's a par-5 and I play it that way. A four is a birdie.
Arnie has more people watching him park the car than we do out on the course.
My wife doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I don't have a good time.
Yes, I think I have the best swing on the Tour. Why have scores comedown in the last ten years? Partly because they are imitating me.
Two things that are not long for this world: dogs that chase cars and professional golfers who putt for pars.
I'm not scared of very much. I've been hit by lightning and been in the Marine Corps for four years.
If it wasn't for golf, I don't know what I'd be doing. If my IQ had been two points lower, I'd have been a plant somewhere.
You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen.
I'm a golfaholic. And all the counseling in the world wouldn't help me.
Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.
No one who ever had lessons would have a swing like mine.
The most interesting guy I've ever played with was King Hassan of Morocco. I went over there on a trip in the early 1970s, and the King and I played five holes. I've never been that nervous in my life.
My family was so poor the lady next door gave birth to me.
I met Jesse Owens once. He was a remarkable individual, and I have tremendous respect for what he did in the Olympics under the circumstances.
I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.
Caddies are a breed of their own. If you shoot 66, they say, "Man, we shot 66!" But go out and shoot 77, and they say "Hell, he shot 77!"
Pressure is when you've got thirty-five bucks riding on a four-foot putt and you've only got five dollars left.
A rough should have high grass. When you go bowling they don't give you anything for landing in the gutter, do they?
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
I love Merion and I don't even know her last name.
I keep lot of my opinions to myself.
I thought I'd blown it at the 17th when I drove into a trap. God is a Mexican.
When it comes to the game of life, I figure I've played the whole course.
It's the most fun I've had with my clothes on.
The older I get, the better I used to be.
I'm a golfaholic, no question about that. Counseling wouldn't help me. They'd have to put me in prison, and then I'd talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play.
I'm in the woods so much I can tell you which plants are edible.
His nerve, his memory, and I can't remember the third thing.
One of the nice things about the Senior Tour is that we can take a cart and cooler. If your game is not going well, you can always have a picnic.
I never think of yesterday. Can't do anything about it.
If your concentration is getting bad, take up bass fishing. It will really improve your ability to focus. If you aren't ready when that fish hits, you can't set the hook.
To me, the [British] Open is the tournament I would come to if I had to leave a month before and swim over.
Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
I still sweat. My guts are still grinding out there. Sometimes I have enough cotton in my mouth to knit a sweater.
Chipping and putting for par is like a dog chasing cars, he won't be doing it for very long.
You have to understand, I don't play golf for fun. It's my business. When the mailman starts delivering mail on his off day, that's when I'll start playing golf for the hell of it. I like to play in tournaments. There are many great courses around the world that I have never played that are next door to tournaments. I have not played them because I don't play for fun.
I played the tour in 1967 and told jokes and nobody laughed. Then I won the Open the next year, told the same jokes, and everybody laughed like hell.
I have an orthopedic pillow that's made out of a sponge material. I have a plate in my throat, and I have to be careful or I could end up with a bad neck in the morning. That pillow is a must everywhere I go.
Only bad golfers are lucky. They're the ones bouncing balls off trees, curbs, turtles and cars. Good golfers have bad luck. When you hit the ball straight, a funny bounce is bound to be unlucky.
A hungry dog hunts best.
Just remember, somewhere there's some guy who's tired of putting up with her crap
I've traveled the world and been about everywhere you can imagine. There's not anything I'm scared of except my wife.
I stay away from the telephone if at all possible.
Michael Jordan was a tremendous basketball player.
In case of a thunderstorm, stand in the middle of the fairway and hold up a one iron. Not even God can hit a one iron.
There is no such thing as natural touch. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls.
How can they beat me? I've been struck by lightning, had two back operations, and been divorced twice.
My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That's what happens when you haven't been home in eighteen years.
There are two things that won't last long in this world, and that's dogs chasing cars and pros putting for pars.
