Kin hubbard quotes

Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.

Hon Editor Cale Fluhart was a power politically fer years, but he never got prominent enough t' have his speeches garbled.

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

Executive: a man who makes quick decisions and is sometimes right.

If at first you do succeed don't take any more chances.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Ther's still a few honest folks left but they never seem t' find anything you lose.

Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book.

Beauty is . . . a valuable asset if you're poor or haven't any sense.

No matter how much strong black coffee we drink, almost any after- dinner speech will counteract it.

Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count.

None but the brave can live with the fair.

Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Look out for the people who allow you to do all the talking.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference.

One of the commonest ailments of the present day is the premature formation of opinion.

It's what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him.

It seems that nothing ever gets to going good till there's a few resignations

"Why doesn't the fellow who says, "I'm no speechmaker," let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration? "

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.

A sympathizer is a fellow that's for you as long as it doesn't cost anything.

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy.

Intelligent people are always on the unpopular side of anything.

There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose.

There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.

A never-failing way to get rid of a fellow is to tell him something for his own good.

The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street.

When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

The hardest thing is writing a recommendation for someone we know.

Some people are so sensitive that they feel snubbed if an epidemic overlooks them.

Many a family tree needs trimming

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about.

Plain spoken people get most of the recognition because folks are afraid of them.

Washing your car and polishing it all up is a never failing sign of rain.

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst.

Making a long stay short is a great aid to popularity.

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.

One of the commonest mistakes is thinking your worries are over when your children get married.

Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.

Every father expects his boy to do the things he wouldn't do when he was young.

I haven't heard of anybody who wants to stop living on account of the cost.

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Very often the quiet fellow has said all he knows

Don't a fellow feel good after he gets out of a store where he nearly bought something.

We're all self-made men, but not very many of us have stayed on the job.

The man who says "I may be wrong, but--" does not believe there can be any such possibility.

I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans.

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.

Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.

Bees are not as busy as we think they are. They just can't buzz any slower.

Only one fellow in ten thousand understands the currency question, and we meet him every day.

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they're married.

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

Women seem to be all right on bargains till it comes to picking out a husband.

Nobuddy ever listened t' reason on a empty stomach.

Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.

All the world loves a good loser.

There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn't make the mistake of trying to get together.

When some folks agree with my opinions I begin to suspect I'm wrong.

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught.

If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.

If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.

When a woman says, 'I don't wish to mention any names', it means it ain't necessary to mention any names.

Litigation: A form of hell whereby money is transferred from the pockets of the proletariat to that of lawyers.

It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it.

A sadder but wiser man is a thousand times more agreeable to meet than the feller that never makes a mistake.

The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening.

The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son

Fashion: a barricade behind which men hide their nothingness.

We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate.

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.

Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than others.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends.

A loafer always has the correct time.

A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.

A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one.

Experience is a dear teacher but he delivers th' goods.

Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.

Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.

A friend that ain't in need is a friend indeed.

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

Nothing dispels enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Never tell the box-office man that you can't hear well or he will sell you a seat where you can't see either.

Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.

Some folks pay a compliment like they went down in their pocket for it.

The longer it takes you to select a cantaloupe, the worse it is!

If there's anything mean in a feller, a litter authority will bring it out.

Lots of fellows think a home is only good to borrow money on.

I never saw an athletic girl that thought she was strong enough to do indoor work.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, an' it keeps on laughin'.

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire, and their foreheads, and their sides, and their backs shall be branded therewith.

There's another advantage to being poor - a doctor will cure you faster.

I don't know of anything better than a woman if you want to spend money where it will show.

The reason the way of the transgressor is hard is because it's so crowded.

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.

Flattery won't hurt you if you don't swallow it.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.

There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?

Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause.

Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

I'm sorry to inform you that your 50 year warranty has expired on your back, knees, and memory. Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

Knowin' all about baseball is just about as profitable as bein' a good whittler.

There isn't much to be seen in a little town, but what you hear makes up for it.

University: ... a place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business.