Eoin colfer quotes

Mulch was not impressed. 'I'm not impressed,' he said.

There will be consequences for this, he thought. You can't alter time and not be affected. But whatever the consequences are, I will bear them, because the alternative is too terrible. -Artemis Fowl, The Lost Colony

I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?

Holly, do you trust me?” Holly groaned. “Artemis, don’t ask me that. I just know one of your outrageous plans is coming.” “Do you trust me?” “Yes,” Holly sighed. “I do. More than anyone.

The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.

Is that how you're going to take me? Scare me into voluntarily coming aboard, then steal my Ice Cube?" "It's always cubes with you," noted Foaly, somewhat randomly. "What's wrong with a nice sphere?

Inside the mirrored elevator, Mulch used a telescopic pointer to push P for the penthouse. For the first few months he had jumped to reach the button, but that was undignified behavior for a millionaire. And besides, he was certain that Art could hear the thumping from the security desk.

Foaly twitched his tail contentedly. Genius. No point in being humble about it.

Evolution is a theory with more holes than a Dutch dam of swiss cheese.

Benny was awake again. Happened every morning.

I have no time for babbling foolishness.” “Don’t be so hasty,” said Victor. “There’s always time for babbling.

Caballine likes me to be masterful. She calls me her stallion.

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

Don't you worry about that, Mr. Adamsson. Why don't you head back to Reykjavik and spend some of that extortionate fee you charged me for a couple of hours' usage of your frankly third-rate restaurant and perhaps find a friendless tree stump to listen to your woes?

The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers' head.

If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungerees.

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom.

There’s always time for babbling.

Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression. Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is that the case? Artemis: (head in hands) It's my mother, Doctor. Doctor Po: Yes? Artemis: My mother, she... Doctor Po: Your mother, yes? Artemis: She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy when the school's so-called counsellors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.

When the moment comes, will you take your chance to be a hero?

Sometimes plans don't translate smoothly from paper to real life.

Who or what inspires you?" "I must admit that I often read my own articles in scientific journals and inspire myself.

Well, I don't like the first bit and I don't know the last bit. So I'm really hoping the middle bit is exceptional.

Me," Artemis blurted. "I'm the nut." Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before bringing the five-ton chunk of spacecraft swinging down toward the morsel of meat in its blue shell. "I'm the nut!" Artemis shouted again, a little hysterically, it must be said.

Of course I saved you," she said. "I couldn't do without you." And because she was happy and flushed with magic Holly leaned down and kissed Artemis, magic sparking around the contact like tiny fireworks.

Careful, Mr. Spiro, guns are dangerous. Especially the end with the hole.

Mulch's tongue lolled out, resting on the centaur's neck. "Mmm," he mumbled around his tongue. "Horse. Tasty" "Let's go," said Foaly nervously. "Let's go right now.

Butler,” he called, his voice thin and childlike in the wind. “Yes, Artemis, what?” “If something goes wrong, wait for me. No matter how it looks, I will return. I will bring them all back.

I am so sick of you smart kids. Why can't you just boost cars or steal stuff like normal kids?' 'We do steal stuff. Just bigger stuff.

...I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile." "...Where's all the loot?" "That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart." Artemis put two and two together and arrived at a very unpleasant four. "You were here to rob me!" "No, I wasn't. How dare you?!

Genius inspires resentment. A sad fact of life.

Commander: What's that? Foaly: It's a finger, what does look like?

Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.

How did that go?’ he asked. ‘Your first lengthy conversation with a girl your own age?’ ‘Fabulous,’ said Artemis, voice dripping with sarcasm. ‘We’re planning a June wedding.

I feel like Alice falling into Wonderland. A line came to him: It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.

A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.

Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?" Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

And one more thing. About my name — Artemis — you were right. In London, it is generally a female name, after the Greek goddess of archery. But every now and then a male comes along with such a talent for hunting that he earns the right to use the name. I am that male. Artemis the hunter. I hunted you.

Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers

Remember the pain?' thought Artemis. I hate myself. I really do.

Artemis looked at Holly and felt a tremendous affection for her... he could properly appreciate how fierce and beautiful his best friend was... She is truly magical, thought Artemis. Perhaps her qualities are more obvious to me now that I have decided to sacrifice myself.

Anything can be real. Every imaginable thing is happening somewhere along the dimensional axis. These things happen a billion times over with exactly the same outcome and no one learns anything. Whatever a person can think, imagine, wish for, or believe has already come to pass. Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers.

He took a deep, shuddering breath. "Okay. I said it, it's out there. And I am fine now. So let's move on, shall we? What's the plan?

We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.

Good. Illegal is always faster.

And I will not be beaten by that jackass." "Jackass?" said Foaly, wounded. "My favorite uncle is a jackass.

She can't afford to commit more troops,' Holly whispered. 'The gate is her priority, and she needs to have as many Berserkers watching her back as possible. We are secondary at this point.' 'That will be her undoing,' Artemis gasped, already suffering under the weight of the flak jacket. 'Artemis Fowl will never be secondary.' 'I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?' said Holly.

Don't hate me forever, Arty," whispered Holly. "I couldn't bear that.

Either that boy is the sanest creature on Earth, he thought, or he is so disturbed that our tests cannot even begin to scratch the surface.

Holly died without a friend to hold her hand. Artemis felt her go, another gift of the magic. He kept on counting, brushing away the tears on his cheeks.

Orion brightened. "I have an idea." "Yes?" said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained. "Why don't we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, you could search my naked body for some mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere or other.

The two of them went down in a heap, with not even a turkey to break their fall.

Oh, I'm crazy all right. I do have plenty of psychoses. Multiple personality, delusional dementia, OCD. I've got them all, but most of all, I'm crazy about you.

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

Friendship isn't a science mudboy. Just do what you think is right.

Satan was crouched in the corner of his office, playing a gameboy, 'Die alien scum' he was saying feverishly.

I am older and have more control over my empathy,' said Qwan. 'That's why I didn't throw up.' And having said that, he threw up.

Ma was using her for-company voice. Sweet on the outside but with an underlying death threat.

In spite of what youngsters think, parents do not get a sneaky thrill out of punishing their children.

So, let's make a deal: If you do not voice all the withering comments about the weight or uselessness of this jacket that are no doubt swirling in that big brain of yours, then I will not mention the super-laser episode again. Agreed?" This jacket is really cutting into my shoulders, thought Artemis. And it's so heavy that I could not outrun a slug. But he said, "Agreed.

Wait," said Butler. "Just wait, Holly. Artemis has a plan." He squinted through the green dome. "What is your plan, Artemis?" All Artemis could do was smile and shrug.

...This is the only way. I will not allow humans or fairies to die when I might have prevented it.” Butler would not give up. “Listen to yourself. You sound like a... like a good guy! There’s nothing in this for you.

Artemis ducked. Cudgeon didn't. Guess what? Artemis was smarter.

I'm on my feet, pacing around the room, punching a fist into my palm, which I stop doing when I realise how drama queen it feels.

Chaos reigned, and the survivalists eagerly unwrapped the kidskin from their crossbows. Phase one of Opal's plan was complete.

The humans were protecting their heritage, or so they thought. Strange that Mud Men seem more concerned about the past than the present.

Artemis Fowl grinned right back at him and pointed his index finger to the sky... from the tip of this finger sprang a small blue spark that exploded like a tiny firework. “I know magic can be stolen,” said Artemis. “Because I stole some myself.

So, what did you get for me?" Angeline paused for a beat. "Jeans." "What?" croaked Artemis. "And a T-shirt.

You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up with his typical boorish behavior. Let me just throw something out there for you to consider while we're chasing the probe: I share Artemis's passion but not his boorishness. No pressure; just think about it. This was enough to elicit a deafening moment of silence even in the middle of a crisis, which Orion seemed to be blissfully unaffected by.

A metaphorical weight lifted from his allegorical chest and Artemis Fowl felt himself again.

What many people don't know about 'Peter Pan' is that it's a very violent book and Hook is one of the most finely observed villains ever.

Too much damned TV. Thinks he's Sherlock Holmes." "That's professor Moriarty," corrected Foaly. "Holmes, Moriarty, they both look the same with the flesh scorched off their skulls.

I have always loved 'Stig of the Dump.' I think reading that book made me officially realise that I was a reader.

I did what all good Iriah dads do when faced with a worthy adversary..I said Ask your mother!!

(about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)

I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you're dealing with idiots.

Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.

Artemis Fowl will never be secondary." "I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly.

I have a lovely office at the back of my house; it's an old stable and you can see right out to the countryside on one side and into the house on the other side.

Radomosity, thought Artemis. And he felt like weeping.

Everyone says that I have no sense of humor, then I construct a perfectly sound pun around a well-known psychological condition, and it is ignored.

They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am looking for someone to blame.

If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.

I want you to know, my dear friend, that without you, I would not be the person I am today." He leaned in close and whispered, "I was a broken boy, and you fixed me. Thank you.

There is always a use for everything, Victor had told him. Even pain.

Yes. Because every family needs a laser for thier family jet.

Ignorance, as they say, is usually fatal, but sometimes it can be bliss.

I have to tell you, Arty, a screw up this early in the proceedings doesn't exactly fill me with confidence. I hope you're as clever as you keep telling everyone you are." "I never tell anybody exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.

Sounded like girls. Mixed feelings on that score. He didn't despise them with the same passion he used to. In fact, Benny suspected that there would come a time in the not-too-distant future when he might develop a mysterious interest in them.

We get an apartment together, and after a whirlwind courtship you marry my sister and honeymoon in Vegas.

Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!

A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.

I don't like lollipops.

I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.

There is no such thing as a happy ending. Every culture has a maxim that makes this point, while nowhere in the Universe is there a single gravestone that reads 'He Loved Everything About His Life, Especially the Dying Bit at the End'.

Are you saying that you people knew about these amorophobots all the time?" "Of course we did. They attacked us in Iceland. Remember?" "No. I was unconscious.

There were only two men on the planet better educated in the various martial arts than Butler, and he was related to one of them. The other lived on an island in the South China Sea, and spent his days meditating and beating up palm trees. You had to feel sorry for the B'wa Kell.

Will you miss him Holly?” he asked suddenly. [...] “No,” she said. “I will not miss him.” But her eyes told the real story.

In my experience, boys are predictable. As soon as they think of something, they do it. Girls are smarter—they plan ahead. They think about not getting caught.

Play along, the wink said. I'll get you out of this. At least Artemis hoped this was what his wink communicated and not something like 'Any chance of another kiss later?

The craft's occupants clutched their armrests, and more than one of them closed their eyes. But not Artemis. He couldn't. There was something morbidly fascinating about flying into an uncharted tunnel at a reckless speed with only a kleptomaniac dwarf's word for what lay at the other end.

I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

Holly frowned at her. "Glad to see you've forgiven yourself so quickly." "Harboring feelings of guilt can have a negative affect on mental health." "Child geniuses," growled Holly. "Genii," said Minerva.

When I went to school, I was already reading and writing. In fact, I was offended that the other kids couldn't.

Trust me. I'm a genius.

Artemis turned and stared at his friend with the blue eyes. Holly was staring back, and she was smiling. “I remember,” she said aloud. “You saved me.” Artemis smiled back. “It never happened,” he said.

Stupid. Stupid. Foaly, we are both imbeciles. I don't expect lateral thinking from the LEP, but from you..." ... "What is it?" [Holly] asked, afraid of the answer, which must surely be terrible. "Yeah," agreed Foaly, who always had time to feel insulted. "Why am I an imbecile?

Nobody's death is impending." ..."Well technically everyone's death is impending.

Onscreen, Foaly rubbed his eyelids with his index fingers. "Yeah, yeah. Here we go. Captain Short goes rogue once more. Hands up who's surprised. Anyone?

No alcohol, Riley." She nodded at the screen. "How are you liking the twenty-first century?" Riley burped. "The Take That are most melodic. And God bless Harry Potter is all I can say. If not for him, all of London would have been consumed by the dark arts.

The thing about reading is that if you are hooked, you're not going to stop just because one series is over; you're going to go and find something else.

Just what we need," moaned Holly. "Artemis Fowl with magical powers.

No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.

Quickly, Holly," said Artemis urgently. "Follow those bubbles." Holly opened the throttle. "Now there's an order I never thought I'd hear from you.

I am perhaps unusual in that I came to 'Doctor Who' through the numerous novelisations and not through the television show.

'Insanity... I like it."

Trust me. I haven't been wrong yet.

Don't try to understand me, just be grateful that you felt the warmth of Zaphod Beeblebrox's aura on your wonderstruck face.

I often meet frustrated young writers who say they've only got so far and just can't finish a book. Even if you don't happen to use what you've worked on that day, it has taught you something and you'll be amazed when you might come back to it and use it again.

Tea? At the beach? No time for luxuries, Holly. There is important work to be done.” He winked at Butler. “Are you sure you’re at the library? I thought I heard water.” Artemis smiled, enjoying the exchange. “Water? Surely not. The only thing flowing here is information.” “Are you grinning, Artemis? For some reason I get the feeling that you’re wearing that smug smile of yours.

A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.

You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punishing you.

Hey, look your girlfriend is saying something. Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn't even sure if it was an insult. And if it was, who was being insulted? Him or the girl?

He knew that Dr. Argon would advise him against bottling up his emotions as it would lead to psychological scarring in the long term.

Meg and Belch only had eyes for each other. Not in the usual romantic sense.