E. w. howe quotes

People are always neglecting something they can do in trying to do something they can't do.

A theory is no more like a fact than a photograph is like a person.

If a man has money, it is usually a sign, too, that he knows how to take care of it; don't imagine his money is easy to get simply because he has plenty of it.

Most people put off till tomorrow that which they should have done yesterday.

Nothing pleases a woman quite so well as to look so sweet that a man wants to kiss her, and then abuse him for his impudence.

To be an ideal guest, stay at home.

No scheme pays as well as legitimate business.

The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.

Most people eat as if they were fattening themselves for market.

If you have sense enough to realize why flies gather around a restaurant, you should be able to appreciate why men run for office.

As a man handles his troubles during the day, so he goes to bed at night a General, Captain, or Private.

The most destructive criticism is indifference.

A successful man cannot realize how hard an unsuccessful man finds life.

The more wealth a man has, the louder his children talk.

Reading is like permitting a man to talk a long time, and refusing you the right to answer.

When you are in trouble, people who call to sympathize are really looking for the particulars.

Never tell a secret to a bride or a groom; wait until they have been married longer.

Most people have seen worse things in private than they pretend to be shocked at in public.

For every quarrel a man and wife have before others, they have a hundred when alone.

A man has his clothes made to fit him; a woman makes herself fit her clothes.

A conquered foe should be watched.

Loving everybody is polygamy. I care for no friend who loves his enemy equally well.

How good we all are, in theory, to the old; and how in fact we wish them to wander off like old dogs, die without bothering us, and bury themselves.

The average man's judgment is so poor, he runs a risk every time he uses it.

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife.

It is hard to convince a high-school student that he will encounter a lot of problems more difficult than those of algebra and geometry.

No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.

The sounder your argument, the more satisfaction you get out of it.

When people hear good music, it makes them homesick for something they never had, and never will have.

A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast.

Financial sense is knowing that certain men will promise to do certain things, and fail.

Farmers only worry during the growing season, but townspeople worry all the time.

Men are a good deal better collectively than they are individually. Many a man will do that privately which he will denounce in a crowd.

If you want to know how old a woman is . . . ask her sister-in-law.

It is a matter of regret that many low, mean suspicions turn out to be well founded.

When I get hold of a book I particularly admire, I am so enthusiastic that I loan it to someone who never brings it back.

Men are virtuous because women are; women are virtuous from necessity.

The government is mainly an expensive organization to regulate evildoers, and tax those who behave: government does little for fairly respectable people except annoy them.

The only thing some people do is get older.

A thief believes everybody steals.

Faith may have removed mountains way off somewhere, a long time ago, but it won't remove a wart at home this week.

A man has a right to think lots of things he has no right to say.

Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.

The greatest humiliation in life, is to work hard on something from which you expect great appreciation, and then fail to get it.

There is something in the red of a raspberry pie that looks as good to a man as the red in a sheep looks to a wolf.

The underdog often starts the fight, and occasionally the upper dog deserves to win.

You needn't love your enemy, but if you refrain from telling lies about him, you are doing well enough.

Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.

If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.

Few men progress, except as they are pushed along by events.

Nearly every lawsuit is an insult to the intelligence of both plaintiff and defendant.

You can make up a quarrel, but it will always show where it was patched.

Every man is a reformer until reform tramps on his toes.

Don't abuse your friends and expect them to consider it criticism.

One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool

Good manners do more for a man that good looks.

Nearly every man is a coward, if confronted by the proper terror.

A young man is a theory, an old man is a fact.

Somehow, everyone hates to see an unusually pretty girl get married. It is like taking a bite out of a very fine-looking peach.

When a man diets, he eats oatmeal in addition to everything else he usually eats.

Many people would be more truthful were it not for their uncontrollable desire to talk.

There is only one thing people like that is good for them; a good night's sleep.

Man is still a savage to the extent that he has little respect for anything that cannot hurt him.

The man who can keep a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as the man with no secrets to keep.

A poem is no place for an idea.

The little trouble in the world that is not due to love is due to friendship.

No man can smile in the face of adversity and mean it.

Marriage is a good deal like a circus: there is not as much in it as is represented in the advertising.

Half the time men think they are talking business, they are wasting time.

No man's credit is ever as good as his money.

When you can't do anything else to a boy, you can make him wash his face.

Everyone hates a martyr; it's no wonder martyrs were burned at the stake.

The greatest thing in the world is for a man to be able to do something well, and say nothing about it.

If a woman doesn't chase a man a little, she doesn't love him.

You can't do anything unless you do it yourself. And usually you can't do it yourself very well.

If a man takes one day off, it takes him about three days to get the harness fitted again.

A boy doesn't have to go to war to be a hero; he can say he doesn't like pie when he sees there isn't enough to go around.

Honesty is largely a matter of information, of knowing that dishonesty is a mistake. Principle is not as powerful in keeping people straight as a policeman.

Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.

Probably no man ever had a friend that he did not dislike a little.

Some people never have anything except ideals.

An honest answer is the sign of true friendship.

I try to have no plans the failure of which would greatly annoy me. Half the unhappiness in the world is due to the failure of plans which were never reasonable, and often impossible.

I believe in grumbling; it is the politest form of fighting known.

Abuse a man unjustly, and you will make friends for him.

One of the surprising things in this world is the respect a worthless man has for himself.

A woman does not spend all her time in buying things; she spends part of it in taking them back.

The worst feeling in the world is the homesickness that comes over a man occasionally when he is at home.

The most agreeable thing in life is worthy accomplishment. It is not possible that the idle tramp is as contented as the farmers along the road who own their own farms, and whose credit is good at the bank in town. When the tramps get together at night, they abuse the farmers, but do not get as much satisfaction out of it as do the farmers who abuse the tramps. The sounder your argument, the more satisfaction you get out of it.

The way out of trouble is never as simple as the way in

All of the troubles that some people have in life is that which they married into.

I express many absurd opinions. But I am not the first man to do it; American freedom consists largely in talking nonsense.

Everyone suffers wrongs for which there is no remedy

When a man tells you what people are saying about you, tell him what people are saying about him; that will immediately take his mind off your troubles.

Every successful person I have heard of has done the best he could with the conditions as he found them, and not waited until next year for better.

What is common sense? That which attracts the least opposition that which brings most agreeable and worthy results.

Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.

There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is to enjoy earning it.

Most of us are either too think to enjoy eating, or too fat to enjoy walking.

Don't be crazy to do a lot of things you can't do.

At first a woman doesn't want anything but a husband, but as soon as gets one, she wants everything else in the world.

When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.

Success does not mean happiness: it means an unusual number of industrious enemies.

A man forgets his good luck next day, but remembers his bad luck until next year.

A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice.

When I am idle and shiftless, my affairs become confused; when I work, I get results ... not great results, but enough to encourage me.

No man has all the wisdom in the world; everyone has some.

A reasonable probability is the only certainty.

There is always a type of man who says he loves his fellow men, and expects to make a living at it.

Some men storm imaginary Alps all their lives, and die in the foothills cursing difficulties which do not exist.

When men are not regretting that life is so short, they are doing something to kill time.

It is your enemies who keep you straight. For real use one active, sneering enemy is worth two ordinary friends.

When a man has no reason to trust himself, he trusts in luck.

Nothing tires a man more than to be grateful all the time.

No man is smart, except by comparison to those who know less

Bravery is knowledge of the cowardice of the enemy.

Even if a farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start.

None of us can boast about the morality of our ancestors. The record does not show that Adam and Eve were ever married.

About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.

The only gambling tip which amounts to anything is to keep out of the game.

To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.

Instead of loving your enemies - treat your friends a little better.

Half the promises people say were never kept, were never made.