Bill watterson quotes

I liked things better when I didn't understand them.

You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.' 'That's why animals are so soft and huggy.

A REAL job is a job you hate.

People always make the mistake of thinking art is created for them. But really, art is a private language for sophisticates to congratulate themselves on their superiority to the rest of the world. As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.

I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed.

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.

You will do well to cultivate the resources in yourself that bring you happiness outside of success or failure.

You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.

You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood. What mood is that? Last-minute panic.

Calvin: Do you believe in the Devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man? Hobbes: I'm not sure man needs the help.

That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.

A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.

It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.

Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?

Tomorrow we'll not only seize the day, we'll throttle it.

For no reason I can think of, I've wandered far astray. And that is how I got to where I find myself today.

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.

I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.

They say the secret of success is being at the right place at the right time, but since you never know when the right time is going to be, I figure the trick is to find the right place and just hang around.

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.

A box of new crayons! Now they’re all pointy, lined up in order, bright and perfect. Soon they’ll be a bunch of ground down, rounded, indistinguishable stumps, missing their wrappers and smudged with other colors. Sometimes life seems unbearably tragic.

As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.

I'm related to people I don't relate to.

I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it.

You can present the material, but you can't make me care.

My whole problem is that my lips move when I think.

Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.

Boy, there's nothing worse than an inscrutable omen.

History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.

Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.

I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.

I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky.

Calvin: Know what I pray for? Hobbes: What? Calvin: The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference.

Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

Calvin: Somewhere in Communist Russia, I'll bet there's a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression. But maybe he's heard of America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opportunity! Someday, I'd like to meet that little boy... and tell him the awful TRUTH ABOUT THIS PLACE!! Calvin's Dad: Calvin, be quiet and eat the stupid Lima beans.

I'll bet my autopsy reveals my mouth is too big.

Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension.

The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive.

I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life...procrastinating and rationalizing.

You know, maybe we don't need enemies." "Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take.

So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend it.

I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life.

Surprise is the essence of humor, and nothing is more surprising than truth.

The problem with people is that they're only human.

You know what I like about summer days? They're just made for doing things... even if it's nothing. Especially if it's nothing.

The way Calvin's brain is wired, you can almost hear the fuses blowing.

From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success... I'm just here to cash in.

To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.

Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.

I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here.

We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.

I can never enjoy Sundays, because in the back of my mind I always know I've got to go to school the next day. It's like trying to enjoy your last meal before the execution.

It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol' buddy... Let's go exploring!

Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?

I was reading about how countless species are being pushed toward extinction by man's destruction of forests. . . . Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Childhood is for spoiling adulthood.

Van Gogh would’ve sold more than one painting if he’d put tigers in them.

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.

If people looked at the stars each night, they'd live a lot differently. When you look into infinity, you realize that there are more important things than what people do all day.

I'm learning skills I will use for the rest of my life by doing homework...procrastinating and negotiation.

What's the point of wearing your favorite rocket ship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?

I let my mind wander and it didn't come back.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.

I wish people were more like animals. Animals don't try to change you or make you fit in. They just enjoy the pleasure of your company. Animals aren't conditional about friendships. Animals like you just the way you are. They listen to your problems, they comfort you when you're sad, and all they ask in return is a little kindness.

Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?

Calvin: Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we can think faster than we speak? Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice.

Calvin: The more you know, the harder it is to take decisive action. Once you are informed, you start seeing complexities and shades of gray. You realize nothing is as clear as it first appears. Ultimately, knowledge is paralyzing. Being a man of action, I cannot afford to take that risk. Hobbes: You're ignorant, but at least you act on it.

If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?

Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!

Hobbes: How come we play war and not peace? Calvin: Too few role models.

Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.

Verbing weirds language.

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.

Calvin: Look, a dead bird! Hobbes: It must've hit a window. Calvin: Isn't it beautiful? It's so delicate. Sighhh... once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is. You realize that nature is ruthless and our existence is very fragile, temporary, and precious. But to go on with your daily affairs, you can't really think about that... which is probably why everyone takes the world for granted and why we act so thoughtlessly. It's very confusing. I suppose it will all make sense when we grow up. Hobbes: No doubt.

Repetition is the death of magic.

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled. Sooner or later, we are all asked to compromise ourselves and the things we care about. We define ourselves by our actions. With each decision, we tell ourselves and the world who we are. Think about what you want out of this life, and recognize that there are many kinds of success.

Sometimes what holds you together and what tears you apart are the same things. My lungs are made of armor so that I can breathe when you are not here. 6.8 million people live alone in England. Do you feel lonely? I don't have the courage to face reality so I get lost in my dreams. You know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.

Problems often look overwhelming at first. The secret is to break problems into small, manageable chunks. If you deal with those, you're done before you know it.

Calvin: Why are you crying mom? Mom: I'm cutting up an onion. Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.

Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive... To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.

I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.

It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.

If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.

As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.

County library? Reference desk, please. Hello? Yes, I need a word definition. Well, that's the problem. I don't know how to spell it and I'm not allowed to say it. Could you just rattle off all the swear words you know and I'll stop you when...Hello?

There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse!

It's surprising how hard we'll work when the work is done just for ourselves.

It's a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it's light out.

I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?

Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine and valleys of frustration and failure.

You mix a bunch of ingredients, and once in a great while, chemistry happens.

In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

Calvin: Isn't it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor? When you think about it, it's weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We laugh at nonsense. We like it. We think it's funny. Don't you think it's odd that we appreciate absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does it benefit us? Hobbes: I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life.

The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse

From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.

The whole idea of hobknobbing and schmoozing and the concept of an "elite" class of celebrities better than the common people has always made my stomach turn.

If your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.

I'M SIGNIFICANT!!! ... Say's the dust speck.

I've been interested in cartooning all my life. I read the comics as a kid, and I did cartoons for high school publications - the newspaper and yearbook and soon. In college, I got interested in political cartooning and did political cartoons.

Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?

If you can't win by reason, go for volume.

People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.

Selling out is usually more a matter of buying in. Sell out, and you’re really buying into someone else’s system of values, rules and rewards.

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.

I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?

Calvin: They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines. Hobbes: Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce. Calvin: We need more special effects and dance numbers.

I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!

I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian!

If comics need to be deconstructed and explained, something is really wrong with them.

Form follows function, as the architects say. With words and pictures, you can do just about anything.

I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.

I like my smock. You can tell the quality of the artist by the quality of his smock. Actually, I just like to say smock. Smock smock smock smock smock smock.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

I learned about what I love. Imagination, deep friendship, animals, family, the natural world, ideas and ideals ... and silliness.