Bill murray quotes

Grab this day by the neck and kiss it.

There aren't many downsides to being rich, other than paying taxes and having relatives asking for money. But being famous, that's a 24 hour job right there.

When the phone started ringing too many times, I had to take it back to what I can handle. I take my chances on a job or a person as opposed to a situation. I don't like to have a situation placed over my head.

If Google doesn't know the answer, then it's not a question

While I have felt lonely many times in my life, the oddest feeling of all was after my mother, Lucille, died. My father had already died, but I always had some attachment to our big family while she was alive. It seems strange to say now that I felt so lonely, yet I did.

I was at the New York Film Critics Circle Awards one year - they called me up when somebody canceled two days before the thing, and asked me to present some awards. So I went, and one of the funniest film moments I've ever had was when they introduced the New York film critics. They all stood up - motley isn't the word for that group. Everybody had some sort of vision problem, some sort of damage - I had to bury myself in my napkin.

I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.

Those are my people, you know? The ones who are going to crash and burn.

You want my dark side? Have I ever stolen anything? Not so much intentionally. But I don't think it's so much stealing as... being a part of the flow of the universe. You know, where there's an exchange. It's positive. It's negative. There's an exchange of goods and services.

We're born alone. We do need each other. It's lonely to really effectively live your life, and anyone you can get help from or give help to; that's part of your obligation.

If you walk up to some random person on the street, grab them by the shoulder, and say 'Did you just see what I saw?!', you'll find that no-one wants to talk to you.

I'm just an obnoxious guy who can make it appear charming, that's what they pay me to do.

I think the only reason I've had the career life that I've had is that someone told me some secrets early on about living. You can do the very best you can when you're very, very relaxed, no matter what it is or what your job is, the more relaxed you are the better you are. That's sort of why I got into acting. I realized the more fun I had, the better I did it. And I thought, that's a job I could be proud of. It's changed my life learning that, and it's made me better at what I do.

You work, you get paid, you drink.

Buddy Hackett [was] talking - this is Hackett, not me - about the Virgin Mary, a limerick sort of thing, and all these children and families ... the look of absolute horror. He's going on and on and on, and finally he stops. It's just total horror, and the camera's still rolling. You can hear it, sort of a grinding noise. And the director says, "Anything else, Bud?"

You have to be as light as you can be and not get weighed down and stuck in your emotion, stuck in your body, stuck in your head. You just want to always be trying to elevate somehow.

Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.

I'm just a potato that won't quit. I'm a potato with some legs. Some have eyes, I've got legs.

Mrs. O'Hair died horribly, a victim of the world she helped to shape. Without the Deity she fought so hard against, there is no right and wrong, increasingly people are ruled by their passions and humanity is a tragedy waiting to happen.

Just the very thought of someone my age going to visit old girlfriends had instant appeal.Even women think, 'That would be interesting.' Not comfortable, but interesting. It is not a comfortable film at any point.

It's the most terrifying day of your life, the day the first one is born. Your life, as you know it, is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk, and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you'll ever meet in your life.

And even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we win! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn't matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk because they've got all the money! It just doesn't matter if we win or we lose. IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter!

If you have someone that you think is The One, don't just sort of think in your ordinary mind, 'Okay, let's pick a date. Let's plan this and make a party and get married.' Take that person and travel around the world. Buy a plane ticket for the two of you to travel all around the world, and go to places that are hard to go to and hard to get out of. And if when you come back to JFK, when you land in JFK, and you're still in love with that person, get married at the airport.

I would jump into the middle of the street and say, "excuse me, there's a Mercedes that's got to get through here." And I would push people out of the way, "get out of the way! Let him through!" Smacking their cars and stuff. Just like, "whack" and you just jump into it.

The cool part about naming your kid is you don’t have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.

My first movie, I got nominated for a Canadian Oscar-for Meatballs. For MEATBALLS. And who am I up against? George C. Scott. So he wins the award and I stand up and go, 'That's it-let's get the hell outta here.'

When you act obnoxious towards people, like on a movie set, they say "we're ready for you" and I say "oh, go to hell, my feet hurt and my head aches." You want to have a margarita for lunch, and people like these little ADs and production assistants are like, "well, he's drinking again."

Yeah, I think that's sort of the American way. And it's also the Polish way, it turns out.

I’ve killed myself so many times, I don’t even exist anymore.

There's only a couple times when fame is ever helpful. Sometimes you can get into a restaurant where the kitchen is just closing. Sometimes you can avoid a traffic violation. But the only time it really matters is in the emergency room with your kids. That's when you want to be noticed, because it's very easy to get forgotten in an ER.

Movie acting suits me because I only need to be good for ninety seconds at a time.

My favorite thing about New York is the people, because I think they’re misunderstood. I don’t think people realize how kind New York people are.

I try to be available for life to happen to me. We're in this life, and if you're not available, the sort of ordinary time goes past and you didn’t live it. But if you're available, life gets huge. You're really living it.

But I can only take so much TV, because there is so much advice. I find people will preach about virtually anything - your diet, how to live your life, how to improve your golf. The lot. I have always had a thing against the Mister Know-It-Alls.

Every moment that you share someone else's pain, feel what they feel, makes you more human.

Afghanistan is just one of those countries that no group can conquer. It's so challenging to live, and the people are so close among their own tribes, their own groups, that you can't rule them all, you can't get an accord from all of them.

There are people who drove me crazy, but they got the job done. And when I see that person again, I nod my head. Respect.

You’ll never be good if you don’t know that you are.

You have to hope that [good things] happen to you. [...] That's the only thing we really, surely have, is hope. You hope that you can be alive, that things will happen to you that you'll actually witness, that you'll participate in. Rather than life just rolling over you, and you wake up and it's Thursday, and what happened to Monday? Whatever the best part of my life has been, has been as a result of that remembering.

Well it's hard to be yourself, it's the hardest job there is.

Its Christmas Eve! Its the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be.

To people who want to be rich and famous, I'd say, "Get rich first and see if that doesn't cover it."

I went to Second City, where you learned to make the other actor look good so you looked good and National Lampoon, where you had to create everything out of nothing, and SNL, where you couldn't make any mistakes, and you learned what collaboration was.

There's definitely a lot of trash that comes with the prize of being famous. It's a nice gift, but there's a lot of wrapping and paper and junk to cut through. Back then, when a movie came out and people saw you on the street, their reaction was so supercharged that it was scary. It would frighten other people. It used to really rattle me. I mean, everybody would love to have their clothes torn off by a mob of girls, but being screamed at is different.

The only way we’ll ever know what it’s like to be you is if you work your best at being you as often as you can, and keep reminding yourself: That’s where home is.

You can handle just about anything that comes at you out on the road with a believable grin, common sense and whiskey.

Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.

My back hurts. My legs ache. I'm only four!

The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.

I try to be alert and available. I try to be available for life to happen to me.

The automatic things you do are basically those things that keep you from doing the better things you need to do.

Be available for life to happen.

And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money. But when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

I think all phases of one's career are serious if you take it seriously no matter if you are doing high profile dramatic pieces or not.

'Groundhog Day' was one of the greatest scripts ever written. It didn't even get nominated for an Academy Award.

Totie Fields is one of my benchmarks for a lot of things. There was a standard of show business.

I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. When it's my birthday, and when it's not my birthday.

The human condition means that we can zone out and forget what the hell we're doing.

You're supposed to have one hand up and one hand down. As you're trying to going up, you're trying to pull someone up at the same time.

People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.

Why would you get up there and bore people? I never have figured that out. These people are supposedly in the entertainment industry, and they finally get up there to that podium and they become the most boring people in the world.

I really don't know what's going to come out of my mouth.

People only talk about what a joyous experience it is, but there is terror: Your life, as you know it, is over. It's over the day that child is born. It's over, and something completely new starts.

You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.

Chicks dig me because I rarely wear underwear, and when I do, it's usually something unusual.

I've been lucky, I've had movies that made a lot of money, so I don't feel like I have to kill every time out. I don't want that pressure. I don't need it.

We still have to put some cherry syrup on it, and then we can eat it

Sometimes I snore, like when I get really tired.

You know...they say an elephant never forgets. What they don't tell you is, you never forget an elephant.

That's the reason I'm not the one that's dead because the attraction of the fast life is very powerful.

And I don't like to work. I only like working when I'm working.

Somewhere there's a score being kept, so you have an obligation to live life as well as you can, be as engaged as you can.

You can't think about what you're going to do. It just gets in the way. You have to be just available for life, otherwise you're not bringing anything to the party. So I don't lie awake thinking about what I'm going to do workwise. There's just too much going on.

I'm over the Oscar thing. I feel that if you really want an Oscar, you're in trouble. It's like wanting to be married - you'll take anybody. If you want the Oscar really badly, it becomes a naked desire and ambition. It becomes very unattractive. I've seen it.

I go home and stay there. I wash and scrub up each day, and that's it. One month I actually grew a moustache, just so I could say that I'd done something.

I improvise whenever I feel it's important, or whenever I think that something's there. It's nice to have a script that's so well-written that I don't have to improvise. I mean, I used to have to re-write whole movies; this is kind of nice.

It’s fun to watch someone like John Goodman, and yet it takes work. People say ‘he’s not acting, he’s being himself.’ Well it’s hard to be yourself, it’s the hardest job there is.

I think there's only so many people that can take care of themselves, and can take care of other people. And the rest of the people … they're useful in terms of compost for the whole planet, you know.

My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig houses

I kinda like this Jay-Z thing, where he’s retired, but he keeps doing shows. I think I beat him to that. If you say you’re retired, people don’t bother you so much, and then if you want to do something, you can do it.

I don't want to have a relationship with someone if I'm not going to work with them.

I know how to be sour. I know that taste.

Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying.

Like: 'Don't walk out there with one hand in your pocket unless there's somethin' in there you're going to bring out.' You gotta commit. You've gotta go out there and improvise and you've gotta be completely unafraid to die. You've got to be able to take a chance to die. And you have to die lots. You have to die all the time.

Different vodkas have different effects. Some make you feel a little... poly-lingual. Some make you feel like you want to talk back to someone who's giving you a hard time. Some make you feel like lifting kettle bells.

I think midlife crisis is just a point where people's careers have reached some plateau and they have to reflect on their personal relationships.

Harold Ramis and I together did the ‘National Lampoon Show’ off Broadway, ‘Meatballs,’ ‘Stripes,’ ‘Caddyshack,’ ‘Ghostbusters’ and ‘Groundhog Day.’ He earned his keep on this planet. God bless him.

The secret is to have a sense of yourself, your real self, your unique self. And not just once in a while, or once a day, but all through the day, the week and life.

Don't think about your errors or failures; otherwise, you'll never do a thing.

The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything: the better you are with your loved ones, the better you are with your enemies, the better you are at your job, the better you are with yourself.

The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything.

I realized the more fun I had, the more relaxed I was working, the better I worked.

I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I have hundreds of people waiting in line to abuse me!

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

We're Americans! Do you know what that means? It means our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world.

Melancholy is kind of sweet sometimes, I think. It's not a negative thing. It's not a mean thing. It's just something that happens in life, like autumn.

I count on the kindness of strangers.

Everyone needs to take a vacation from the sort of automatic things you do.

Well, the past is gone, I know that. The future isn't here yet, whatever it's going to be. So, all there is, is this. The present. That's it.

I don't really read the reviews, but I remember one a long time ago I read that said that I had a face like a potato.

It's hard to be an artist. It's hard to be anything. It's hard to be.

Awards are meaningless to me, and I have nothing but disdain for anyone who actively campaigns to get one.

Drinking again? Go to hell. All I ever do is make some movies that made a lot of money now leave me alone, I want to have some fun.

Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them.

I always want to say to people who want to be rich and famous: 'try being rich first'. See if that doesn't cover most of it. There's not much downside to being rich, other than paying taxes and having your relatives ask you for money. But when you become famous, you end up with a 24-hour job.

No one really wants to admit they are lonely, and it is never really addressed very much between friends and family. But I have felt lonely many times in my life.

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.

I don't answer fan mail. I don't have time for that. It's like hundreds of thousands of people who think they're going to become millionaires getting autographs from movie actors. I don't have time for those idiots. I've got stuff to do.

I wanted to be a doctor once upon a time, but it turns out you've got to study, and that wasn't going to happen. I had no idea what I was going to do. I had trouble holding jobs because they want you to be on time. That wasn't going to work.

I think that the online world has actually brought books back. People are reading because they're reading the damn screen. That's more reading than people used to do.

Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!

This is not a dress rehearsal; this is your life.

Love can be seeing that here we are and there's this world here.

Something wild can happen to anybody and I caution anybody that walks out on the street, just settle your accounts before you leave the house every day.

If people really want to find you, they find you.

When I work, my first relationship with people is professional. There are people who want to be your friend right away. I say, "We're not gonna be friends until we get this done. If we don't get this done, we're never going to be friends, because if we don't get the job done, then the one thing we did together that we had to do together we failed."

When I feel like I'm stuck, I do something - not like I'm Mother Teresa or anything, but there's someone that's forgotten about in your life, all the time. Someone that could use an 'Attaboy' or a 'How you doin' out there.

I feel like I'm a better person when I'm quieter.

Life is a game, and it's much more fun if you play it as your own game, so stay light and loose and relaxed.

I'm a nut, but not just a nut.

Disneyland. The world's biggest people trap, built by a mouse.

The critics. When they're right, they're right for the wrong reasons. And they're usually wrong.

I don't want to be that guy mumbling into his drink at a bar.

I have a brother who gives socks for Christmas. He gives socks. Every year, I get a pair of socks from him.

I think if you can take care of yourself, and then maybe try to take care of someone else, that's sort of how you're supposed to live.