Aisha tyler quotes

On general principle, I boycott shows that don't employ actors.

I'm just myself, so I don't know that I think of myself as a nerd icon.

I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.

I grew up on the back of a motorcycle - my dad didn't have a car until I was a teenager. And then my closest friend from grade school was a guy.

I'm my own boss and my boss is a total ass.

Every ethnic group has this where people within it will try and tell each other how they should be. So what I would say to other people is to just embrace who you are because you will become instantly happier.

You know, it's about getting out there and having a good time. Not about worrying - all these young books for women are like I'm 29 with a closet full of Prada shoes and I can't get a date. Come on.

After going through a lot of procedures and spending a lot of money … the doctor said, ‘Look, based on what we’re seeing here, I just don’t think this is going to happen for you.'

I'm such a geek, and have always been a real nerd.

But I love stand-up, and it's where I came from creatively, so it's something I never want to walk away from.

I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry. I do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.

I'm sure I had low-level scurvy all of my childhood.

I love it when I come across a word I don't know. And I would never treat my audience like they weren't smart enough to come along with me.

So much of a stand-up's life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.

Comedy is ugly. It's honest, it's raw.

I think I was only attracted to drunken douches before I got married.

Successful people just don't let failure define them or keep them from doing what they want to do. For example, I'd have people come up to me after my shows, and they'd say they want to do stand-up but are scared they're going to fail. I'd tell them, "You are going to fail, and anyone who is success has powered through many, many failures."

A belief in feminism is a belief in personal freedom - the freedom to live a life free of fear of violence, to select a fulfilling career and be compensated fairly, to choose when to start a family, to marry whom you love. I want everyone, regardless of gender, to live a life free of restriction or fear, able to pursue their own personal brand of happiness and fulfillment.

I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being. Sadly, my being's fibers need to hit the gym.

When I was young I thought, 'Yeah, people don't see, they're not recognizing how funny I am, and how talented I am'. And the guys that mentored me were like, 'You just have to keep getting up'. And I look back and they were right. They were all right.

I have one girlfriend who is dating right now - she's divorced - and she's on Tinder, so we play Tinder. I know that's not a real game, but it's my favorite thing to do.

I like grown up comedy.

Maybe the nails are a little stubby and gnawed on, but I definitely do not have man hands.

I think diversity in television is important. It's not about trying to fill a quota or satisfy some idea of diversity, but I think what diversity brings to any daypart is more eyeballs, just more opportunity.

Pop culture is great, but it can be bad, at times.

They always say some women like to fix people. I don't like to fix people, but you like a challenge.

When one is undone—sprawled across the cold tile of a public bathroom in a pool of one’s own vomit, or shivering in the back of a taxi in a pair of urine-soaked skinny jeans with no money for cab fare and a dead cell phone battery—much like a wobbly toddler or an unhinged politician, one immediately looks for someone else to blame. God. Your parents. Ex-girlfriends. Undocumented immigrants. Marvin in Human Resources. China.

I love to be busy and be challenged. I'm my happiest when I'm under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done. I wish I could say I'm an architect and planned it this way, foresaw doing all these things, but honestly, I've been lucky that things have come across my path and they've worked out well for me.

Am I going to complain about being typecast as smart? I don't think so.

I always tell people that if you really want to know somebody, they should listen to that person's interview with me. I spend a lot of time with my guests.

I'm black, and black don't crack. It does droop.

I really do know football.

Marriage isn't a carnival ride.

I was raised by a single dad, so I've always just kind of liked "guys" stuff. I think my dad just took me to the things he was interested in.

One thing we do really well on Archer and one thing I've always tried to do in my comedy and my writing and my podcast is to never speak down to my audience.

Omnipresence can be a good or bad thing, I suppose. I don't want to spend a lot of time thinking about it. I'm super-grateful.

I always wanted to be as busy as possible so that if one job went away I'd still have plenty of other things to do.

I love Toronto. I love it. I love Toronto. I love Canada. I can't wait to get back. Can't wait to have some Timbits.

I can tell you this: Stand-up is not glamorous.

I want to point out, that this is not my fault that everyone's afraid of me, because I did not kill a couple people the other day.

I am absolutely a Giants fan and I'm a Dynasty baby so I was a 49ers fan for a long time.

I was not one of those people who wanted to be a comedian when I was growing up. I liked comedy, but didn't know it was something you could do for a living. I actually wanted to be an attorney. I did do things on the side like improv and sketch comedy, but law was my focus. I was a very bookish, academic kid. When I got out of college, I was really unhappy. I had a great job that I should have loved, yet I was miserable. I slowly realized that was because I wasn't performing. So I just tried stand-up and fell in love with it after one performance.

I'm the kindest, most supportive friend ever, probably to my own detriment, but I hope that I am toughening up a little bit.

I don't believe in superheroes but I love Batman movies. There's a part of every person that is entertained by the idealistic, the fantastic.

Real success and accomplishment, at whatever it is you are passionate about, requires real work. Real sacrifice. Real disappointment. Real failure. And it requires the ability to scrape your sorry ass up off the floor, stumble to your feet, wipe the rivulets of watery drool from your face, and do it again, like an obstinate toddler running against the wall with his head in a bucket.

My parents were vegetarians. I'd show up at school, this giant black kid, with none of the cool clothes and a tofu sandwich and celery sticks.

The best advice anybody could have given me was to keep getting up over and over again.

I like the company of guys. I have a lot of good girlfriends that I really love, but you know, most of my close friends are men.

Nothing really worth having is easy to get. The hard-fought battles, the goals won with sacrifice, are the ones that matter.

No one wants to hear about how awesome you were; people want to hear about the time you blew it. So I think the longer you do stand-up, the more comfortable you are. You stop wanting to hide your foibles and instead want to show who you are.

I don't want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.

I've always been a gamer, and I had a period where I was gaming at a really hardcore level.

I'm just going to be the best version of me that I could possibly be and be as funny as I possibly can. I've just got to be myself and hopefully people will find me. And my audience did find me.

Marriage is a mystery and part of it is just being kind to each other, not being selfish.

Sometimes the mistake I see people make is thinking that they're always going to be up, and I think that's impossible for anyone.

I take the most wrenchingly painful moments of my life, brush them off and present them for the amusement of others. Luckily for me, my childhood was torture.

I love to be busy and be challenged. I'm my happiest when I'm under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.

Pop culture hales you and wants you to fail.

Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.

When I get old and slow down I want to look behind me and see all the fire and the wreckage and no stone left unturned.

I like to be nice. I want to be a hero. I want to save people. Or just kill zombies, because they deserve it, because they're already dead and they can't feel it. They don't have feelings.

I started out being a stand up and writing my own material. That took me to Talk Soup, where I was writing and performing for TV. So everything is all the same job in my eyes, and I don't want to ever give up any part of it. I will say that stand-up is my first love; it's how I got started and is in my bones.

I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way. I don't want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.

If you haven't noticed yet, working sucks. Unless you are a racecar driver or an astronaut or Beyonce, working is completely and utterly devoid of awesome. It is hard, it lasts all day, the lighting is generally fluorescent, and, apparently, drinking at your desk is frowned upon. If you ever needed to ruin someone's fun, I mean really poop a party, just move things to the workplace. Fun terminated.

I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like, "Trust me, you don't want to have to actually interact with these people."

TV always wants more people to be watching.

I was born in California, raised a vegetarian, and love science fiction, so don't tell me how I need to be in order to fit your standards. When I was younger, those kinds of comments bothered me, but eventually got to a point where I realized I wasn't going to change who I was.

I don't know if I was always an open person, but I think stand-up comics specifically have this way of running towards embarrassing things - whereas regular people tend to run away - because the embarrassing story is always going to be the really funny story.

I liked comedy, but didn't know it was something you could do for a living. I actually wanted to be an attorney.

Karaoke is the great equalizer.

You can only really learn from failure ... To win, you need to fail, and fail hard.

I thought I was gonna be an attorney, so I went to Dartmouth and I was a government major and I minored in environmental policy, and I didn't do anything academically around the arts.